Blessed by the Elephant Man

Mr. Ed’s is an interesting place. It’s part store, part museum and part pure experience. Mr. Ed himself is apparently a little “different.” They say he’s a very flamboyant and outgoing older guy. I don’t really know though. I saw him only once. He was standing near the store one day watering marigolds. He never looked up as I passed. He was wearing earrings. Any other time I’ve visited the place, Mr. Ed is out. The place is called something like Mr. Ed’s Elephant Museum and Candy Store. Ed loves elephants. He sells huge sacks of peanuts. They’re priced at only 15 cents a pound, if you want a 50 pound sack. A peanut now and then is good, but 50 pounds? I don’t have an actual elephant. But then neither does Ed. There are no real elephants in the place, but loads of elephant statues, pins, pens, pictures, walking sticks, fly swatters. I’m sure he has elephant earrings in there somewhere. Ed will buy and display anything even remotely related to elephants.

The store is kind of a rambling place. Ed has a unique style in all he does. He has an addition on his building that consists of a truck body bolted to a hole in the wall. The cab is still attached to the truck. Today an employee was furiously shoveling gravel under the truck cab trying to keep it level. I guess Orrtanna, PA doesn’t have a building inspector.

You enter Mr. Ed’s via an enclosed porch. The porch is stocked with out-of-date items or simply candy that nobody wants. It’s sort of an “aisle of misfit candy.” This is my favorite part of the store. The museum part I don’t get at all, but the misfit candy buys can be incredible. I once bought an entire case of Fisherman’s Friend Throat Lozenges for $3.00. Sure they were expired, but they still worked. They were even more expired when I used the last one four years later, but how much can you really expect from a throat lozenge anyway?

Today they had something really different. They were selling 1 kg bags of Drogistendrops for only $1! I never heard of Drogistendrops either, but they were one dollar! They had a very European look to them. I’m proud to say that I limited my purchase to only one bag. I figured I would try some in the car and then go back in for 5 more bags. But I think one bag of this should do it for me. The taste is very distinct. It’s kind of shocking in fact. Describing any flavor is tricky, but I’d say there is a definite licorice aspect. The first thing that strikes the tongue is a sort of menthol/pepper sensation. Then the licorice kicks in. Then there’s a taste reminiscent of the odor of a spray marketed in the 1960’s by the Fuller Brush Company. The spray was very effective at killing houseflies, but had to be pulled from the market when it came to the attention of the Food and Drug Administration. In the end, after consuming Drogistendrops, you have the feeling that you’ve just taken some sort of medicine that will do absolutely nothing for you.

Curious about what I had ingested, I tried to look Drogistendrops up on the internet. I couldn’t find them directly, but I did learn that “Drogist” essentially means “Druggist.” It seems that this flavor is marketed in various European products that are intended to ease throat pain. One site referred to the flavor as “A blessing for your throat.” This was very timely since one of my daughters is currently complaining of a sore throat. Drogistendrop “tablets’ come in both black and white. Daughter debated for some time as to which color to try. After being assured that it made no real difference, she popped a white Drogistendrop into her mouth. A brief but clearly recognizable look of shock crossed her face before she spit the tablet out into her hand. Her description of the flavor included words like “awful,” “horrible” and “crap.” I don’t know. I’ve eaten several now and they’re kind of growing on me. And I don’t even have a sore throat---yet. I’ve still got about .97 kg of these on hand, so give me a call the next time your throat’s feeling a bit off.