Goofus and Gallant Make Bread

When Goofus sets out to make bread he follows Mama’s recipe carefully except that he makes it his singular goal to see how much flour he can force into the dough. He presses hard when he kneads and keeps forcing more and more flour in until the dough ball becomes dry and rough. If he could, Goofus would pack an entire 5 pound bag of flour into a single ball of dough. When he finishes his kneading, he holds his newly formed, white cannonball in his hand and silently debates whether it would be more fun to lob it at Gallant’s head now or after it is baked.

Gallant, of course, takes a very different approach. He starts by going through a full surgical scrub. After treating all work surfaces with Lysolä Brand disinfectant, he carefully mixes all of the ingredients from Mama’s recipe in a large bowl. He stirs in just enough flour to form a moist ball that begins to pull away from the sides of the bowl. After donning his surgical mask he spreads about ½ cup of flour on his kneading board. He keeps another cup of flour close at hand because he knows he’ll be “kneading it” later. He lovingly lifts his dough ball from the bowl and places it onto the floured board. He begins the process of lightly pressing and gently folding the dough over and over. He allows the flour on the board to take away that excessive stickiness that Gallant finds so distressing. If the dough ball again begins to feel too sticky before the kneading is complete, Gallant sprinkles a little more flour on the board from the “emergency cup” he has standing nearby.

Gradually the gooey mass begins to take form. Instead of a mix of ingredients, it develops into an entity. It acquires a soft, airy, beautiful character that feels almost silky to Gallant’s fingers. At this point Gallant loves to poke at it gently with his index finger and watch the indentation spring back ever so slowly. Then he is ready to allow his new creation its time to rise, knowing that it will soon be ready for the ultimate glory of baking. He can already imagine the aroma and the transformation to a true loaf of bread!

Gallant steps back to admire this growing, almost breathing form. He can’t help but drift into peaceful contemplation. He knows that this very process has nourished mankind since time immemorial. This thought takes him so deeply into meditation that he fails to notice a large, white, airborne mass rapidly approaching his head.